Just some of my favorite words of wisdom from everyone….

“Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.” ~Dick Van Dyke.

“If you don’t like your job, you don’t strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That’s the American way.” ~Homer

“The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away.”  ~Tom Waits

“There are 3 kinds of people in this world… those that can count…. and those that can’t.”

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. “

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.”

“You have a right to your opinions. I just don’t want to hear them.”

“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” ~Ellen Degeneres

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” ~Robin Williams

“There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.”

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” ~Thomas Edison.

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just have one thing to say to the authors of that study: Duh.” ~Conan O’Brien

“The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.”

“Never play leap-frog with a unicorn” …. ouch!!!!

“Have no fear of perfection–you’ll never reach it.” ~Salvador Dali

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'”

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”  ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”  ~Steven Wright

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” ~Homer Simpson

“Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.” ~Dolly Parton

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”

“I plan on living forever.  So far, so good.”

“There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and”